Another Birthday

Well on the 22nd I turned 44.  I have always hated my birthday and most holidays as during my marriage much contention and unhappiness happened during these time.  But this year as I prepared myself to hate the day I had to reflect on the changes that have occurred in only a year.  Life for me is a better place.  I can see the dawn on most days.  I have goals and a plan to achieve them.  Dating someone but who knows where that will go. The companionship is nice though and he is just as picky as I am.  HA HA.  Looking forward to the future. 

"The error of the past is the wisdom of the future"

Fear and Other things that hold us back

Well as I worked last night, cleaning at the coal mine, I spend my solitude thinking and talking to myself. 

I have learned so much about myself lately and continue to do so.  My fear of change, fear of failure, fear of living has kept me from growing and doing my whole life.  My fear of letting go of John kept me in an abusive relationship, kept me stifled and under raps. 

I am trying to learn to jump, let go and take risks.  I have dreams and goals and sometimes I am afraid of my own fear.  Afraid that my fear will cause me to fail. 




Ralph Waldo Emerson said “In order to learn the important lessons in life, one must, each day, surmount a fear.”

Reflections

Mmmm.  I sit here today thinking about my current situation and wondering how in the hell did I get here.  Its been a rough go of it this last year.  My marriage ended.  Well...  I think I just finally had the courage to walk away for good this time.  Dealing with the addiction and drug use in my family.  Trying to save my Granddaughter.  Looking back at my life and feeling sad...  Angry...  Life Wasted.....  All the what if's. 


Scars Remind Us Where We Have Been.  They Don't Have To Dictate Where We Are Going.

My life is full of scars.  Right now full of regret and sadness.  Most days I look try to look forward to the future.  The potential.......  Today not so much......