I am poison

Well sitting here feeling sorry for myself and it hit me.  I beg and plead with God.  Sometimes on a daily basis.  I couldn't understand why I had to lose a place in Violets life, why I always live far away from my grandkids, so far away from my family.  Why I fail!! Why I have nothing.  Why I am nothing.  Even God knows that I am no good.  No good for Violet, no good for the other Grandkids.  No good.  That's All.  Even God knows I don't deserve.  Holy shit the answer is there in front my face.  WOW.  I am poison to all those around me.